


For Better or For Worse

by myglassesaredirty



Category: Psych
Genre: (ex-s? ex's), AU If You Squint, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Breakfast, Caring, Dancing, Date Nights, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Fighting, Forehead Kisses, Gen, Hand Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Letters, Love at First Sight, Marriage, Nightmares, Pet Names, Pregnancy, Romance, Shooting, Sickfic, Sleepovers, Soulmate AU, Surprise Kissing, Whump, also: lassie made it a lot earlier than i expected!!! yeah i love my trash son, attempted breakfast in bed, because those are angsty, begins in 1974, bullet wounds, but in a different way. like they’re soulmates but it’s not like the soulmate au’s, do you actually think i would write something entirely consisting of fluff?, flu season, i cannot go a single fic without some kind of angst, i love these two so heckin much, keep that in mind, patching up wounds, slight AU, talking about exes, timeline: october 1974 and so on and so forth, you thought wrong my dudes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-08-14 06:56:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16487873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myglassesaredirty/pseuds/myglassesaredirty
Summary: Dear Future Wife,Forever is no joke. The moment I say, “I do,” it’s for better or for worse.I want to spend the rest of my life with you.Love,Henry Spencer





	1. First Impressions and First Dates

Henry Spencer does not understand why he has to go through a psych evaluation so that he can go back to field work after working security at the Cinnamon Festival. What is he going to tell the department-sanctioned therapist? That he offered to work the Cinnamon Festival so he could get free cinnamon pancakes and he started running after the  _ turd nugget _ who stole the cinnamon pancakes that were rightfully his?

 

Yeah, he didn’t think so. Henry crosses his arms and glares at Herb’s office.

 

After a couple of minutes, Herb steps out and crooks a finger at Henry, beckoning him to come inside. Henry huffs, uncrosses his arms, and stands. The pain in his ankle flares, and he grits his teeth and tries to walk normally. Thankfully, Herb’s office is not a far walk, and as soon as Henry’s inside, he limps toward the plush couch. He doesn’t immediately notice the young college girl sitting next to Dr. Taylor. Once he settles himself on the couch, his eyes settle on the young college girl.

 

She has long blonde hair that falls to her collarbone. She’s wearing a baby blue blouse with a black blazer and a black pencil skirt. Her blue eyes dance, and she smiles at Henry.

 

She is the most beautiful woman Henry Spencer has ever laid eyes on.

 

Dr. Taylor clears his throat. “Uh, Henry, this is Madeleine Baker. She’s a student at the University of California, Santa Barbara.”

 

Henry leans back. “Let me guess,” he says, his eyes never straying from Madeleine’s face. “Psychology major? You want to pursue police psychology?”

 

Madeleine grins. The sun could take notes from her smile. “That is very correct. My professor suggested that I intern with the SBPD. The chief said this would be an excellent first case for me.”

 

“Why? Because I only twisted my ankle? I was chasing a perp.”

 

Madeleine tilts her head to the side. “Oh?”

 

Henry clears his throat and leans forward. “Usually, rookie cops get either the easy cases or the boring cases. Usually, it’s a little mix of both. I heard that the Cinnamon Festival needed police security, and I volunteered.” He lifts his hand, as if he’s disclosing a secret, and whispers to Madeleine, “They give cops free food.”

 

Madeleine chuckles. “You volunteered because of free food?”

 

Henry quirks an eyebrow. “Have you ever  _ had _ those cinnamon pancakes? They’re heaven on Earth.”

 

Dr. Taylor looks back and forth between Madeleine and Henry. “You said –”

 

Madeleine leans forward, clasping her hands together. “What about the perp? Was he a bad guy?”

 

Henry sits up. “He stole my cinnamon pancakes.”

 

“Were they his?”

 

“Not rightfully.”

 

Madeleine purses her lips and nods slowly. “So, naturally, you pursued him on foot.”

 

Henry nods once. “That is exactly what happened.”

 

“Where did the twisted ankle come into play?”

 

Henry sighs and looks down at his swollen ankle. “There was a gopher hole. I stepped in it accidentally, and the perp got away.”

 

Madeleine can’t help the smile that crosses her face. “With your cinnamon pancakes.”

 

“Yes!” Henry says indignantly. “I worked hard for those.”

 

“Do you think you can possibly handle field work after that experience?” Madeleine says, unable to keep her amusement out of her voice.

 

Henry sighs dramatically and clutches his chest with his hand. “I don’t know if I can,” he says melodramatically. “It’ll be tough, but I think I can manage.”

 

Madeleine leans back in her seat and glances to Dr. Taylor. “Doctor, do you think we should clear him?”

 

Dr. Taylor runs a hand through his thinning hair. “Y’know, Madeleine, this is the first time I think an intern did a better job of getting a patient to open up than I could.” He narrows his eyes at Henry and smiles. “Henry, I’ll clear you. Just make sure you’re still taking care of that ankle.”

 

Henry looks to Dr. Taylor and then back to Madeleine. “Yes, of course, Doctor.”

 

Dr. Taylor scribbles his notes on his notepad. “You’re dismissed, Henry. Madeleine, could you help him out? I need a sec.”

 

Madeleine nods and stands up, smoothing out her skirt. “Of course.” She waits for Henry to hobble his way over to her, and then she takes his arm. “Come on, Mr. Spencer.”

 

Henry glances down at her. “Call me Henry.”

 

She smiles up at him. “Keep calling me Madeleine.”

 

“Are you single, Madeleine?”

 

Madeleine’s eyes widen, and she looks at him with an open mouth. “That’s a bold question.”

 

Henry shrugs sheepishly. “I just figured I should ask.”

 

Madeleine rolls her eyes and helps Henry across the bullpen. He points to his desk (the farthest desk from the chief’s office, he’s thankful to say). “Yes, I’m single. Why do you ask?”

 

“Well…” Henry drawls, taking care not to rest too much of his weight on Madeleine. “I was wondering if you’d want to join me for milkshakes at In-’N-Out later tonight?”

 

Madeleine raises her eyebrows and considers the offer. “Just one date?”

 

Henry shrugs nonchalantly, trying not to let her know just how much he wants to go on a second date with her, and a fourth, and a tenth. “Of course.”

 

Madeleine sighs and lets go of Henry once they reach his desk. He lets go of her and leans his weight on his desk, refusing to sit down until they’ve established their plans. “Alright,” she says, “when do you get off of work?”

 

He glances at the clock behind her. “My shift ends at 7 o’clock.”

 

Madeleine nods along slowly. “My day ends at the same time.” She sighs and tucks her hair behind her ears. “Okay, after you clock out, come and get me. I’ll still be in the chief’s office.”

 

Henry grins. “So, it’s a date?”

 

Madeleine closes her eyes and laughs softly. “Yes, Henry, it’s a date.” She waves goodbye to him and heads back to Herb’s office.

 

Henry lowers himself into his chair, and he can’t stop smiling.

 

For the first time in his life, he wants 7 o’clock to come  _ now. _

 

*

 

At precisely 7 o’clock, Henry wraps up the case he’s been working (merely some petty theft – the teenager hung his head and admitted that he shoplifted the books on a dare; Henry suggests community service for the kid) and waits for Madeleine outside of Herb’s office.

 

It takes her five minutes to wrap up inside, but she steps outside and looks for Henry. Once she sees him, she relaxes a bit. “Are you too crippled to drive?”

 

Henry shakes his head. “I think I can manage.”

 

Madeleine laughs nervously and follows him outside of the police station. “Good,” she says, nervously rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “I don’t know Santa Barbara very well.”

 

Henry opens the passenger door of his truck and helps her inside. “You’re not from here?” he asks.

 

Madeleine shakes his head and waits until Henry gets in on his side of the truck. “Nope,” she says as Henry starts the ignition. He looks behind him and backs the truck out of the parking lot. “I moved here from Cincinnati.”

 

Henry raises his eyebrows. The light turns red, and he slows to a stop, flicking his left blinker on. “That’s a long trip.”

 

Madeleine exhales shakily. “Yeah. It’s kind of hard, not being able to see my family.”

 

“Any siblings?”

 

Madeleine perks up. “Two younger siblings. Sister and brother.” She licks her lips. “What about you? Any other Spencer kids?”

 

“Just a younger brother. His name’s Jack.”

 

“Is he going to be a police officer, too?”

 

Henry barks out a laugh. “The only way Jack’ll end up in a police station is if he’s getting arrested.” He shakes his head. “Nah, Jack doesn’t– he’s not mature enough or disciplined enough for that.”

 

Madeleine nods. “I see.” She bites her bottom lip and looks around. “So, uh…did you grow up in Santa Barbara?”

 

Henry nods slowly. “Yep,” he says, his eyes still on the road. “I graduated high school two years ago, actually.”

 

“Valedictorian?” Madeleine asks, amusement creeping into her voice. Something tells her that Henry’s street-smart, not book-smart.

 

Henry laughs again, this time with more humor. “No,” he says. “School wasn’t my strong suit. Besides, I wanted to be a cop all my life, and you don’t need to go to college to be a police officer.”

 

“You can,” Madeleine says, nudging him with her elbow.

 

Henry purses his lips. “Not gonna lie, I thought about it in my senior year, but…” he trails off and shakes his head. “Nothing interested me as much as being a cop. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be.”

 

“You never wanted to be a father? A husband, even?”

 

Henry raises his eyebrows and glances over at Madeleine. “I- I mean, yes, of course, I’ve wanted both of those things since –” he swallows heavily, “– since my brother Jack was born, but…you know, I meant career-wise, that I only ever wanted to be a cop. As a career.” He laughs nervously. “Where did that question come from?”

 

Madeleine was horrified at herself when the question first popped out of her mouth, and she’s still embarrassed, but Henry’s answer stirred something in her. “No reason. I was just- just wondering if you– that is to say, when some people say that they wanted  _ x, _ they mean that they  _ only _ want  _ x.  _ I was just wondering if that was the case with you.”

 

Henry tries to school his face into a poker expression, but he fails. A smirk creeps up the corners of his mouth. “What about you, Maddy? Are kids in the picture for you?”

 

“Maybe some day,” she says softly. “Not now, though.” She laughs nervously. “No, I’m- I’m way too young for that.”

 

Henry quirks an eyebrow. “Really? I thought you were nineteen.”

 

Madeleine shakes her head. “Nope. I just turned eighteen last month.” The flickering neon sign at In-‘N-Out is fast approaching, and Henry eases into the turn lane. “Also, did you call me ‘Maddy?’”

 

Henry opens his mouth, and for a second, nothing comes out. “Yes?” he says, his voice rising an octave. “I won’t anymore if you don’t like it.”

 

She smiles at him. “No, I do. You can call me Maddy.”

 

He turns into the parking lot and finds an open space close to the entrance. He pulls into it, shuts off the engine, and turns to her. “Why do I get the feeling that I’m the first man you let call you ‘Maddy?’”

 

She leans forward, her hair falling to frame her face. She smirks at him, bites her bottom lip, and says, “Because you are.” With that, she leans back against the seat.

 

Shaking his head, Henry gets out of the truck and walks around to open Maddy’s door.

 

She’s going to be the death of him, and he will not regret a second of it.

 

*

 

She pinches her straw between her fingertips, rocking forward in laughter. Her laugh bubbles from her throat, and she scrunches her nose.

 

Henry presses his lips together, trying to suppress his own laughter, but she snorts like a pig and he loses it, pressing his palms against the table.

 

“So,” Maddy says, through peals of laughter, “lemme get this straight: you arrested your first perp without your  _ pants _ on?”

 

Henry holds up a finger, carefully schooling his expression into a straight face. “And without underwear, too. You can’t forget that part.”

 

Maddy snorts again and manages to stop laughing long enough to take a long sip of her vanilla milkshake. Henry watches her for a second, then dips his head and starts playing with his straw wrapper.

 

“You’re nervous.”

 

Henry looks up from his masterpiece of a straw wrapper snake. Maddy looks at him softly. “What?” he says, trying to nonchalantly clear his throat.

 

Maddy leans forward and covers his hand with her own. “You’re really nervous. You keep fidgeting and avoiding eye contact.” Her face falls. “Is the date really going that terribly?”

 

“No!” Henry says a bit hurriedly. He glances around the restaurant and lowers his voice. “No, it’s just– I’ve never been nervous on a first date before, and it’s– this time, it’s special.” He takes a deep breath and looks into Maddy’s blue eyes. They’re wide and searching, utterly clear, curious. He could get lost in those eyes. “You’re special, Maddy. I just…didn’t want to screw it up.”

 

Maddy pulls her hand away and grabs her straw. “Henry,” she says, lowering her mouth to hover over the tip of the straw, “if you were going to screw up this date, that story about you catching a perp naked would have done it.” She takes another sip from her milkshake. “As it was, I found that to be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

Henry smiles at her. “Would you be opposed to a second date?”

 

Maddy smirks. “I would  _ love _ to go on a second date with you, Henry Spencer.”

 

Henry pulls his milkshake closer to him and drinks the chocolatey goodness. He’s known Madeleine Baker for all of four hours, and he already knows: she is the woman he is going to marry.

 

*

 

Henry pulls back into the police station parking lot at 10 o’clock. Maddy smoothes her skirt and glances at Henry. “Are you going to walk me back to my car? Santa Barbara can be very dangerous,” she says.

 

Henry chuckles softly. “Yeah, just a minute.” He shuts off the engine and walks around the truck to open Maddy’s door. She takes his proffered hand, and he helps her out. “Which one’s yours?” he asks, nodding to the non-cruiser cars.

 

Maddy loops her arm through his. “That one,” she says, pointing to a dull yellow Fiat on the other side of the parking lot.

 

Henry starts off. “So it’s back to college for you tomorrow?”

 

Maddy nods. “From 8 to 5. After my classes are over, I come here.”

 

“That doesn’t leave a lot of free time.”

 

“No,” Maddy says.

 

The conversation drops, and they’re almost at Maddy’s car. Once they’re close, Henry pulls his arm free from Maddy and opens her car door.

 

She stands close to him and fiddles with her keys. “I had a really great time tonight, Henry.” She nods and takes a nervous breath. “Really, I mean it. I’ve– I’ve never had this much fun on a date before.”

 

He smiles softly and leans against the open car door. He keeps searching her eyes, but he finds himself looking at her lips every few seconds. “Glad I could be of service,” he says hoarsely.

 

Maddy smiles at him and takes his free hand. “Thank you.” She glances at his lips and steps even closer. They’re breathing the same air now.

 

Henry swallows heavily. “Can, um…” his breathing quickens. “Can I– may I kiss you?”

 

Maddy’s eyelids flutter closed and she nods her head. “You may,” she says, rocking up onto her toes.

 

Henry puts his hand on her cheek and gently kisses her. Her lips are soft, and though the kiss only lasts for a brief moment, he finds himself falling head over heels in love.

 

She wraps her arm around his neck and kisses him once more before she pulls away. Henry’s eyes stay closed for a moment longer before he opens them again.

 

“Well,” Maddy says, fiddling with her keys again. “I– I should –” she gestures to her car and eases into the seat. “I should go.”

 

Henry nods slowly. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Yeah, um…drive safely.”

 

She smiles at him again. “I’ll, uh…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“That you will.”

 

Maddy waves goodbye to him.

 

As Henry walks back to his truck, he tucks his hands into his pockets, looks up at the sky, and decides to ask his mom about getting her engagement ring.


	2. What is Love? (Baby, Don't Hurt Me Now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry Spencer has never quite been in love before, so his etiquette over those three little words is a little hazy, to say the last. Does he wait one week? Two? Does he wait a year?
> 
> Yeah, right. As if Henry can get through a single day without the words, "I love you" leaving his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JJKAJLDJLF;KJDS;GEJDFL;DSJFLDSJFLAJ I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH
> 
> YOU THOUGHT I LOVED HAWKLIPS???? THINK AGAIN, BITCH

“Is it too soon to bring out the ‘I love you’s?”

 

Jerry Carp almost drops the binoculars in his hands. He glances over at his partner, who’s staring absently out the windshield and deduces that Henry does not, in fact, mean telling Jerry that he loves him. Jerry shakes his head and puts the binoculars up to his eyes again. “Henry, you and Madeleine have been dating for two weeks. I’d give it some more time before you bring out the ‘I love you’s.”

 

Henry groans in frustration and slides down in his seat. “Jerryyyyyy,” he whines. “You’re married. You know what it’s like when you first see the woman you’re going to marry.”

 

“Oh, so you’re going to marry Madeleine now, is that it?” Jerry shakes his head again and sets down the binoculars. “Gimme a snack.”

 

Henry wordlessly passes him the beef jerky.

 

“Listen, Henry, you and Madeleine are a great couple. Just know I’m on your side. But it’s way too soon for you to know whether or not Madeleine is the woman you’re going to marry!”

 

Henry sits up in his seat. “Whoa, whoa, wait– you mean to tell me that you  _ didn’t _ know with Annie?” He squints at his partner. “Are you and Annie having problems?”

 

Jerry sighs heavily. “It’s none of your business, Henry.”

 

“Like hell it’s none of my business. You’re my partner. Madeleine and I have babysat your daughter. You owe me that much.”

 

Jerry runs his tongue over the top row of his teeth. “You know why Annie and I got married?”

 

“It seems like you’re a bit unsure yourself,” Henry points out.

 

“Annie was pregnant when we got married. That’s why we got married. We work well together and all, and I love my daughter, but I kind of wish I could just leave, you know?”

 

Henry raises his eyebrow. “No, I don’t. I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I don’t think you’re just supposed to ‘work well together’ in a marriage. It makes for a crappy marriage.”

 

“What the hell do  _ you _ know about marriage, Henry? You’re single. You and Madeleine can break up at any point. There’s no legal issues to go through, and no kids who are going to get caught in the middle. You don’t know what it’s like.”

 

Henry shakes his head. “I just don’t agree, man. I don’t care if marriage is harder than it sounds, I just…why the hell did you marry a woman you didn’t love?”

 

“I just told you, Henry. She was pregnant.”

 

“That’s not a good  _ reason _ to get married.”

 

Jerry tosses the binoculars into the back of the police cruiser. “Tell me that when you knock up Madeleine and need a solution to that.”

 

Henry’s eyes flash. “Are– why would– Listen–”

 

Jerry coolly raises an eyebrow. “See how it feels?”

 

Henry grits his teeth, trying to count to ten, but he sees a flash of movement up in front of the building. He immediately opens the door, grabs his gun, and starts getting out of the cruiser. “There’s our perp.”

 

Jerry chokes on his beef jerky and tries to hurry out of the cruiser.

 

**

 

Maddy sets a bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table. Henry spent an hour earlier this morning pouring over the TV guide and he and Maddie picked out a movie to watch during their lunch break.

 

She’s wearing one of his gray collared shirts, and it fits her far too loosely. She pulls her blonde hair into a ponytail and settles back against the couch as the commercials start to play.

 

Henry sticks his hand into the buttery popcorn and pulls away a handful. “Have you ever seen this movie before?”

 

Maddy bounces excitedly on the couch. “Nope! But I’ve been wanting to see for  _ years. _ I’m so glad it’s on!” She squints at him and tilts her head. “You knew, didn’t you?”

 

Henry shakes his head fondly. “No, not really. I myself wanted to see it.”

 

Maddy curls into his side. “If it gets too scary,” she says, “you’ll know.”

 

Henry eats some more popcorn. “This movie isn’t supposed to be scary, Maddy.”

 

She curls further into his side. “I know,” she says, “but  _ The Exorcist  _ is on next.”

 

Henry’s eyebrows practically disappear into his hairline (which, admittedly, is already receding). “Wh– you- you  _ want _ to watch that movie?”

 

She presses a kiss to his cheek. “Well, you see, if I get scared, then you get to hold me.”

 

“But what happens if  _ I _ get scared? I don’t do demons, Maddy.” He looks down at her and laces his hand through hers. His thoughts return to the idea of demons and the horror movies he watched with his high school buddies, and he shudders. “Demons are gross, and evil and just –”

 

Maddy bites her bottom lip and tucks her head into the crook of his neck. “Well, in that case, I can help you not get scared.”

 

“And how do you suggest that? I couldn’t watch scary movies until I was seventeen, and that was only because I lost a bet.” He makes a face at the tv, debating whether it’s worth it to untangle himself from his girlfriend to turn up the volume.

 

“I used to have the same problem, but since I only ever watched scary movies with my parents, I couldn’t very well do the same thing we’re doing now.” She gestures at their position with her free hand. “My dad actually came up with a good idea.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Pick out something in the film that seems really scary and convince yourself that it’s just makeup and costumes.” Maddy smiles up at her boyfriend’s look of disbelief. “It actually doesn’t take away from the movie as much as you might think. But if that doesn’t work, there are always other methods.”

 

Henry furrows his brow and looks at Maddy in confusion. “Could– could you elaborate a little bit? I can think of seven alternative things to do  _ other _ than watch a scary movie.”

 

Maddy laughs, her nose wrinkling. “No, not  _ that,” _ she says, lightly slapping his shoulder. “I mean, choose a random topic and start talking about it. Like…your favorite subject in school, your favorite book, your favorite things to do in your free time. Stuff like that.”

 

Henry purses his lips. “Well,  _ The Exorcist _ isn’t on until late.”

 

Maddy sits up straighter, and Henry whimpers when she moves away from his side. “Wait,” she says slowly, as if trying to remember the conversation from earlier, “how late?”

 

Henry leans forward and picks up the tv guide. “This says it doesn’t start until 11:30.”

 

Maddy groans and flops back against the couch. “That’s too late.”

 

“I can drive you back home.”

 

Maddy shakes her head. “Nope. My dorm has an enforced curfew at midnight. I can’t get in any later.”

 

Henry shrugs. “You can stay here. I’ll take the couch.”

 

Maddy smiles softly at him and cups his cheek. “You’re sweet, and I love you, but that’s just– it’s too soon, Henry.”

 

Henry’s mouth falls open. “Did you just say…?”

 

Maddy quirks an eyebrow and smirks. “Of course, Henry.”

 

Henry grins, wraps his arm around Maddy’s shoulder, and kisses her head. “I love you, too, Mad.”

 

She kisses his cheek in response and nods to the television. “Now hush. I want to see the movie.”

 

**

 

He might have been dating Madeleine Baker for two months, and the “I love you”s might be more frequent, and he may or may not have a ring with which to propose, but he does not know her birthday. He’s filling out paperwork, hoping that one of the detectives will get bored with a case and pass it off to him, when he realizes that he does not know her birthday. He drops his pen, suddenly at a loss for how in the world he’s going to figure it out without offending Maddy.  _ What if I already missed her birthday? _ Logically, he knows that’s not the case since Maddy has just recently turned eighteen, but still. He’s worried.

 

Maddy comes down the stairs, prepared for their lunch date. Henry panics internally, quickly signs off on the paperwork, and stands up. “Hey, babe,” she says, walking up to him and hugging him. “You ready?”

 

Henry grabs his lunch sack (labeled with “Babe” on it because Maddy decided that his own name wasn’t descriptive enough) and nods to the bench. “I’ve been staring at so much paperwork that my eyes are starting to fail me.”

 

Maddy laughs, her eyes crinkling at the edges. Her blue eyes dance with amusement as she drags him by the hand to the bench. “Okay, so yesterday, my English professor assigned us  _ All Quiet on the Western Front, _ and I know that’s your favorite book.” She plops down on the wooden bench, opening her own sack lunch for her sandwich. As long as Henry’s known her, she hasn’t ever eaten a sandwich with the crust still on.

 

“Do you want to borrow my copy?” Henry asks, carefully scooting next to her. A few of his colleagues shoot him dirty looks – some of them are jealous that he’s dating Madeleine, others are just jealous that he has a girlfriend, and the older cops think he’s wasting time that could better be spent doling out justice.

 

Maddy takes a massive bite out of her sandwich. “Yes, please.” Her voice is muffled by the bread, lettuce, and ham.

 

Henry chuckles, kisses her forehead, and nods his head. “Right. I’ll get it to you tomorrow.”

 

“Thanks, babe.”

 

Henry clears his throat awkwardly, unsure how to broach a subject he should already be knowledgeable of. “Um, Mad…”

 

She furrows her brow and her sandwich falls a little. “What is it, Henry?”

 

Henry rubs the back of his neck and avoids eye contact. “When, exactly, is your birthday?”

 

Maddy looks confused for a minute and then she laughs. “Oh, yeah. I never told you the exact date.” She takes another bite of her sandwich and swallows before answering the question. “September 3rd. You don’t have to worry about my birthday just yet.”

 

Henry relaxes and reaches for one of her hands. “Do you know just how much I love you, Mads?” he says, looking up through his eyelashes, pulling her hand to his lips.

 

She lets her head fall backwards and laughs. “Oh, do tell.”

 

He kisses the back of her hand and flutters his eyelashes at her. “More than I love fishing, football, and baseball put together.”

 

She raises her eyebrow and tries to hide the way her eyes widened. “That much?”

 

“You’re also beating out my parents and brother for my favorite person on the planet, so there’s that.”

 

Maddy sets her sandwich down on her lunch sack and scoots closer to Henry, draping her arms around his neck. “I love you, too,” she says seriously. “More than the horror movies, photography, and poetry put together.”

 

Does he care that he’s in a public place where all of his coworkers can judge him? No. He leans forward. “Is it okay if I kiss you on the mouth?”

 

Maddy smirks and puckers her lips. “It’s perfectly okay.”

 

God, he loves her.

 

**

 

Maddy has to go back to Cincinnati for Christmas break. Henry offers to drive her to the airport, and she gratefully accepts. (She tried to convince him to come with her to Ohio, but the chief immediately vetoed his request for a vacation).

 

Before she gets out of his truck, he gently stops her from opening the truck door. At first, she thinks it’s because he always opens the door for her (she’s still adjusting, okay? Her last boyfriend never opened the car door for her), but based on the way he fidgets, the closest thing is a proposal.

 

Henry clears his throat, reaches across her, and opens the glove compartment, pulling out a long, slender box. He carefully opens it, revealing a necklace with a heart-shaped sapphire and a small strip of silver acting as a banner.

 

Maddy’s jaw drops and she looks at Henry, almost afraid to touch the necklace for fear of dirtying it. “Oh, Henry…”

 

He shrugs, actively trying not to fidget. “I mean, your birthday is in September, so I- I just thought– you know, maybe you’d –”

 

Maddy grabs his face in both of her hands and kisses him. “Henry, I love it. Thank you so much.” She gawks at the necklace some more. “You really didn’t have to get me anything.”

 

He raises an eyebrow in place of a question.

 

“Well, at least, you didn’t have to get me anything  _ this _ fancy.” She presses her lips together and kisses Henry again. “I love you so much.”

 

Henry gives her another peck on the lips. “Here, I’ll put it on.” He waits while Maddy twists around in the seat, lifting her long blonde hair to expose her neck. Henry takes the necklace out of the box and drapes it around her neck, carefully fastening it.

 

She touches the heart and leans back against Henry. “I left your gift in my dorm. I thought we’d exchange gifts when I got back.”

 

He smiles, shakes his head, and kisses her temple. “It’s alright. I just wanted to surprise you.”

 

“And I love it,” she says, resting her head on his shoulder to see his face. “And I love you.” She wants to stay like this forever, never leaving the truck, but her parents are expecting her. Before she can say anything, Henry gently jostles her.

 

“You’re going to miss your flight.”

 

She gathers her purse and backpack while Henry gets out of the truck and opens her door. He silently passes her her luggage.

 

“I’m really going to miss you, Maddy.” His eyes search hers, and he cups her cheek in his hand.

 

“It’s only for ten days, and then I’ll be back to bug you.”

 

Henry laughs. “Have a safe flight.”

 

Maddy shuffles a few steps forward, stands on her tiptoes, and gently kisses him. “I’ll be back soon.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, Henry Spencer.”

 

He watches her retreating back as she heads into the airport. He has to be at the station in twenty minutes, but right now, he just wants to run after her and beg her to stay, or see if he can get a ticket onto that plane.

 

As if on cue, his pager buzzes, and he checks it once Maddy’s out of sight. The chief sent him a message:

 

IF YOU GET ON THAT PLANE I WILL FIRE YOUR ASS.

 

Henry shakes his head and climbs back into the truck. As he drives away, he thinks of the engagement ring hidden in his desk drawer.

 

He’ll ask her in a few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a solid three scenes that I cannot freaking WAIT to write
> 
> But please note: the author has never had a boyfriend and therefore does not know if any of this stuff is accurate


	3. There is Nothing For Me but to Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jerry slams him with babysitting duty, and he invites Maddy along because, well, Jerry's daughter likes her the most. And then, of course, it's flu season, and even with her sweaty gross-ness, he has never seen a woman more beautiful than her.

A fluffy white popcorn kernel lightly hits him in the face.

 

He looks up from his book, peering at Maddy over the top of the book. Her eyes dance, and she merely pops a few more pieces of popcorn in her mouth as if nothing has happened.

 

Henry sighs and sets his book down. Maddy grins and places her feet on his lap, and settles back against the couch as he starts massaging her feet. He gently presses his thumbs into the soles of her feet.

 

“How was work today, babe?” Maddy asks him, pushing aside some popcorn kernels to find the M&Ms in the bowl.

 

Henry shrugs. “It was just normal. No big cases. A bit of petty crime.” He neglects to tell her how many times he pulled out his middle drawer and turned the engagement ring over in his hands. “What about you? You were off today.”

 

Maddy groans and slides further into the couch. “God, I had four tests today. First, it was Calc II. My professor has done  _ squat _ in trying to teach us. I’ve paid attention in his class, and I still don’t get it.”

 

Henry furrows his eyebrows. “But you remember literally everything you hear. Did he just –”

 

“Do you think he explained anything well? Of course not.” She shrugs and pops a handful of M&Ms into her mouth. “The other tests were fine. O-Chem was a little difficult, but my professor is good, so it was alright.”

 

Henry purses his lips and nods slowly. “That’s good. You’re done with tests for the week?”

 

Maddy nods. “Yep.”

 

Silence settles over them, broken only by the sound of Maddy chasing popcorn around the bowl. Henry purses his lips, thinks for a moment, takes a deep breath, and says, “Maddy, what do you think about kids?”

 

Maddy stops, her hand halfway to her mouth. A few pieces of popcorn fall back to freedom in the bowl. Her eyes are wide. “I– what? Like, do I want kids, or do I like kids?” She nods at the room just down the hall. “We’re babysitting Jerry’s daughter, and I have two younger siblings. I enjoy kids.”

 

Henry smiles softly. “No, not– I know you like kids. I was just wondering…if you want kids?”

 

Maddy sighs, pulls her feet away from Henry’s lap, and sits up straighter. “Henry, I would love to have a family, and honestly, I’d love to have a family with you.”

 

Henry’s heart pounds against his chest, trying to break free from his skin. His rib cage wraps around his heart and blocks its escape. “R-really?”

 

Maddy shoots him a look. “Henry, I have never told a boyfriend that I’ve loved him before I started dating you. You are the only guy I have ever fallen in love with, and I mean…you’re so gentle, but you try and pull off the whole ‘tough, macho guy’ routine, but when you’re around kids, that facade just crumbles and you light up. When you’re around me, you’re more you. You care less about what other people think when you’re with me than you do when you’re not with me. You’re a good man, Henry. If there’s someone out there just for me, that man is you.”

 

Henry gulps. “So, what you’re saying…”

 

Maddy holds up a hand. “My point  _ is, _ when you do end up proposing – and I know it’s not right now because there’s no ring – I’ll say yes. I would marry you in a heartbeat.” She leans forward and grabs his hand, looking hard into his eyes. “I want to have kids with you. Now, the question is how many and/or adoption.”

 

Henry kisses her. Her lips are soft, and her hair smells like vanilla. He cups her cheek in one hand, and she wraps her arms around his neck, gently scratching at the bottom of his hairline.

 

When he pulls away, he grabs her hands and runs his thumbs over the backs of her hands. “I love you so damn much, Mad.”

 

She smiles, looking at him through her eyelashes. “I know, and I love you so much, too.”

 

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “So, what’s the plan for kids?”

 

Maddy holds up a finger. “First, we need to get married. Don’t put the cart before the horse. Second, how many kids do we have?”

 

Henry kisses her hand. “I want our kids to grow up with siblings.”

 

She purses her lips. “Speaking as someone who has two siblings, all born within two years of each other, three kids is not a good idea unless we space them out.”

 

“Two?”

 

Maddy smiles and cups his cheek in her hand. “There’s still plenty of time to discuss it, Henry,” she says. “But two is a good number.”

 

Muffled feet shuffle into the living room, and Maddy and Henry both look towards the sound. Jerry’s two-year-old daughter, Melissa, yawns and rubs her eye with her fist.

 

“Sing me a lullaby,” she says, yawning again.

 

Maddy smiles gently, gets up, picks Melissa up, and takes her back to her room. Henry follows and watches Maddy tuck Melissa back into bed, softly singing,  _ “Lullaby, and good night. In the sky, stars are bright. May the moon’s silvery beams bring you sweet dreams. Close your eyes, now, and rest. May these hours be blessed ‘til the sky’s bright with dawn, and you wake with a yawn.” _

 

Melissa blinks tiredly at Maddy, trying not to give into the sweet temptation of sleep, but her body relaxes more and more, and finally, her eyes close.

 

Maddy looks up and smiles at Henry, slipping under his arm as they head back to the living room.

 

**

 

Henry, for the first time in months, is at a complete loss for what to do. Maddy sits on his couch, curled into a small ball, pulling his jacket tighter around her body, occasionally reaching up to rub her nose. Both her nose and eyes are red, and she tugs the sleeves of his jacket to completely cover her hands.

 

“I’m sorry, honey,” she rasps, sniffling some more. Henry grabs the box of tissues and passes it to her. “I didn’t think I’d feel this awful.” She grabs a tissue and blows her nose. Frankly, it sounds like a bugle.

 

Henry shakes his head and gently sets the box of tissues down next to her. “No, it’s alright. We don’t need a date night tonight if you’re feeling this bad.”

 

Maddy shakes her head in protest.  _ “No,” _ she says firmly. “I gave you my word that we would go on a date, but –” she breaks off and begins coughing, and Henry knows no other way to describe her cough other than wet. It sounds like it comes straight from her chest, and once the fit dies down just a bit, she wheezes and tries to calm down. Henry leaves to go get her a water bottle.

 

“It is flu season, hon,” he says, passing her the bottle.

 

Maddy nods. “I know,” she says. “That bitch Katherine got me sick.” Her voice rises a few octaves as she mocks the sorority girl who’s been cheating off her for two months now. “‘Oh my God, Madeleine, we should totally work together on this project! Oh my God, Madeleine, did you just get the chocolate cake? Can I have a bite? I’ll take five bites from the same fork!’” Maddy rolls her eyes and resists the urge to growl. “I hate her.”

 

Henry chuckles. “Well, we don’t have to go out tonight. We can just stay inside for the night.”

 

Maddy groans. “I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to tonight.”

 

Henry rocks up on the balls of his feet. He’s about to suggest turning on the television, but when he looks to his right, he sees his record player. He walks over to it and looks at the vinyls stacked next to it, hoping that he still has the Sinatra vinyl that Jack gave him last Christmas. He finds it, slides the record out of the case, and puts it in the player, dropping the needle to begin playing.

 

Maddy immediately looks up when she hears the first notes of Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon.” Henry dances his way over to her, stops in front of her, and gently grabs her hands, pulling her to her feet. “Henry,” she says, shaking her head in confusion, “what are you doing?”

 

Henry lifts both of her hands to his lips and kisses them. “Dance with me?”

 

Maddy smiles and bites her lip. “I love you.”

 

Henry moves his left hand to her back and starts dancing. “I know.”

 

His steps are jerky and unnatural, but as the record keeps playing, he gains more and more confidence, leading Madeleine around the living room. He steps on her toes a few times, and she shoots him a look that screams, “I should be leading this dance,” but he doesn’t give her the lead just yet. He lifts his arm, and Maddy grins, spins underneath his arm and falls back into his embrace with laughter. Henry grins and presses his cheek against her hair as they fall into a swaying motion.

 

When “L.O.V.E.” comes on, Henry picks up the pace again, spinning Maddy out and pulling her back into his arms. He sings along with Sinatra (admittedly, very terribly, but it makes her laugh, and that laugh means that everything is going to be okay), and she spins some more, and their dancing is absolutely atrocious, but maybe it’s alright, as long as it’s only them two.

 

The record finishes playing, and the sound of the needle on the disc is the only sound that fills the room, but neither Maddy nor Henry pays attention. They fall back into the slow swaying, and Maddy rests her chin on Henry’s shoulder, and Henry kisses Maddy’s temple.

 

He closes his eyes, just for a moment, and imagines asking her. Imagines that, even without the ring, she’d say yes. Imagines hundreds of days in the future that will be spent just like this, except maybe with one or two little ones running around. Imagines a lifetime of happiness with her. She’s here, and she’s close, and he wants nothing more in the world to ask her right now.

“I love you so much, Madeleine Baker.” He doesn’t know if she understands the depth of his love for her. It could span oceans, rival the deepness of space, fill black holes. He’d do anything for her, as long as it made her happy.

 

She smiles softly and turns her face so she can press a kiss to his neck. “I love you more than anything else in the world, Henry.” As they sway, she doesn’t know how else to express her love, doesn’t know how to tell him that she would live, die, and kill for him. This love is dangerous. This love is true.

 

The swaying motion eventually becomes too much for Maddy’s stomach because she steps back, presses a hand against her mouth, and bolts for the bathroom, barely reaching it in time to retch into the porcelain throne. Henry quietly follows her inside and pulls her hair away from the toilet.

 

“Was my dancing really that bad?”

 

Maddy groans, wipes her mouth, and rests on the heels of her feet. She can feel another wave of nausea coming, so she doesn’t yet flush the toilet. “Henry, your dancing is absolutely horrific. I’m signing you up for dance classes.”

 

“I’m not  _ that _ bad.”

 

Maddy shuts her eyes against the overwhelming urge to throw up, hoping that sheer force of will is enough to keep her lunch down, but she finds herself pitching forward again and vomiting into the toilet. “Keep telling yourself that, hon.” Her hand trembles as she reaches to flush the toilet, and she hates it, hates how her being sick ruins everything.

 

Henry smoothes out her hair. “Mad, come on back to the living room. I’ll get you some soup.”

 

Maddy raises an eyebrow and turns to look at him. “You? Cooking? Not steak, not barbeque. Actual food that you’ll be cooking?”

 

Henry rolls his eyes and helps her to her feet. “Listen, I’ve been a bachelor for two and a half years, Maddy. I had to learn how to cook.”

 

Maddy hums in agreement. “Is your soup any good?”

 

Henry shrugs. Maddy lowers herself down on the couch, and he grabs a blanket and drapes it over her. “I used to give it to my brother all the time. He loves it.”

 

Maddy squeezes his hand before he runs off to the kitchen. “I love you. And I’m sorry that I threw up, especially after you were sweet enough to dance with me.”

 

Henry kisses her forehead. “I love you, too, sweetheart.” He spins around and makes a show of his awful dance moves. “And I think I’m a great dancer.”

 

“Keep telling yourself that, Henry.”

 

“But I am!”

 

She laughs to herself and starts playing with the fringe of the blanket.


	4. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She overhears the radio, and they're saying some kind of gibberish, but her brain starts waving red flags, and she's immediately terrified about what's happening to him.
> 
> _444.  
>  Officer-involved shooting_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dawn, this is the angst scene I was talking about. I only expected the first part, but the story decided on the second part.

“Attention, all units: there is a 444 at the park on the corner of Meigs Road. Multiple officers involved. Requesting backup.”

 

Maddy shoves the door open and hurries out of her office, pointedly ignoring the stares coming from the other police officers. Her eyes remain fixed on the chief, who sits close to the radio, rubbing his thumb over his bottom lip. The older detectives huddle around him and mumble about what they should do.

 

Maddy stops in front of the chief and crosses her arms. “What the  _ hell _ is going on?”

 

One of the older detectives – Detective Boone – looks over at the chief and shuffles towards Maddy. “Should I take her away, boss?” he asks, placing his hand on her shoulder.

 

Maddy pushes his hand off of her. “Listen, I know that I’m a civilian, and I  _ know _ that you can’t divulge any information to me, but this is  _ bullshit. _ I know Henry’s voice when I hear it. He’s involved with something, and I want to know how fucking much I need to worry.”

 

The chief raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Ms. Baker, but I cannot give away any details at this moment.”

 

Maddy presses her lips tightly together. “Oh,  _ fuck _ you, Herb. That’s –”

 

“Your boyfriend?” Herb sits up straighter. “That’s all fine and dandy, Ms. Baker, but that’s not a strong enough relationship. We can only give information like this to a next of kin, like a spouse, and in some cases, a fiancé. You are neither.” He shoos her away. “Go.”

 

Maddy straightens her shoulders and stares him down. “No. I’ll leave when you tell me what’s going on.”

 

Herb clenches his jaw. “Listen, Madeleine, this is not a petty crime that we’re talking about. This is serious business, and you’re  _ distracting _ me from my next course of action.”

 

Maddy gestures to the radio. “That’s my boyfriend who’s in danger!”

 

“And I don’t give a shit that it’s your boyfriend!” Herb shouts, leaving the desk to stand in front of Maddy. He towers over her. “We have protocol to follow, and I can’t get him out of this fucking mess unless you let me do my job!”

 

“It would have taken you thirty seconds to explain to me what’s going on!” She raises her chin and narrows her eyes.

 

Herb glares at her for another second. “Boone, get her out of here.”

 

Boone nods at Herb. “Yes, boss.” He grips Maddy’s arm tightly and leads her away from the bullpen.

 

Maddy tries to shake his hand off of her. “Let  _ go _ of me!” she says.

 

“You are one feisty lady.” His grip on her tightens.

 

Maddy stops immediately and turns to face Boone. Her hair has fallen from her braid, and a strand of hair falls in front of her face and flutters away whenever she breathes. “Either let go of me,” she says calmly, “or I’m going to slap you.”

 

Boone seems unconcerned. “Really? Is that a threat?”

 

“You’re touching me against my consent, even after I told you to let go. Me slapping you falls under self defense. So fucking let me go, or I will slap you.” Maddy smiles sweetly at him. “Clear?”

 

Boone rolls his eyes and lets go of Maddy. “Crystal.” He points her to the exit and turns back to talk to Herb. “And by the way, Madeleine,” he says over his shoulder, “a 444 is an officer-involved shooting.  _ Now _ do you see why we didn’t want to tell you before?”

 

_ Shooting. _

 

_ Officer involved. _

 

_ Henry’s voice. _

 

The news knocks the breath out of her, and she places a hand on her stomach. “Oh my God,” she whispers. “Oh, my God.”

 

_ Has Henry been shot? _

 

**

 

The pain in Henry’s bicep howls, but he ignores it in favor of pressing his back to the side of the cruiser. He called for backup fifteen minutes ago, but he’s received no answer, and the shooter isn’t relenting. Henry starts to peek over the top of the car door, but a bullet whizzes over his head, and he ducks again.

 

A child screams, and Henry’s eyes snap to the massive oak tree twenty yards in front of him.

 

“Jerry!” he shouts for his partner and presses his back hard against the cruiser.

 

Jerry takes a breath, stands, and shoots before he ducks back under the safety of his squad car. “I’m a little fucking  _ busy _ at the moment, Henry!”

 

Henry shakes his head and points to the tree. “There’s still a kid here!”

 

Jerry’s eyes widen and he reaches for his radio. “Attention, all units: a child is still here. Repeat: a child is at the park on the corner of Meigs Road. Requesting backup. Over.”

 

**

 

Maddy presses her shaking hands into her eyes as she slowly rocks back and forth on the bench outside the police station. “Oh my God,” she whispers for the hundredth time since she got the news. “Oh my God, oh my God.” She moves her hands from her eyes to cover her mouth. “Oh my God, let him be okay, let him be safe.”

 

Footsteps walk slowly down the brick steps and stop next to Madeleine. The person owning the feet stands in silence for a moment and slowly sinks to sit next to her. “Boone told me that you know,” Herb says quietly. He lifts his hand awkwardly, as if to place it on her shoulder, but he decides against it, and his hand falls to his thigh.

 

Maddy nods, her blue eyes wide and frightened. Her hands won’t stop shaking. “I– I didn’t know it was this bad. Terrifying, I mean.”

 

Herb nods and stares out at the parking lot. A handful of officers and detectives sprint down the steps and towards the squad cars. “Now do you see why I didn’t want to tell you?”

 

Maddy runs both her hands over her face. “Mhm.” Her hands feel hot against her face – or is it the other way around? Are her hands cold while her face is hot? All she knows is that she’s shaking from head to foot. “It’s just– no matter what it was going to be, it would be too scary.” She removes her hands from her face and watches as the squad cars speed away. “Is he going to be alright?”

 

Herb shrugs. “I can’t say for certain. I don’t even know if anyone was injured. All I know is that Jerry and Henry are caught in an active shooter situation, and there’s this little kid who’s also involved, and Henry’s going to do his damndest to make sure that everyone else gets out okay.” He nudges Maddy with his shoulder. “You picked a good one.”

 

Maddy stares blankly at the fairly empty parking lot. Her appointments have been defected to Dr. Taylor, and she should go home, but if she does go home, all she’s going to think about is Henry getting shot at. Nothing in the world can get her mind off of him. “I know,” she says slowly, “that I’m not his wife or fiancée or next of kin, but…would it be asking too much for you to take me there once the situation has been resolved?”

 

Herb purses his lips. “Only once the situation is over and done. Then, yes, I’ll take you.”

 

**

 

Henry replaces the magazine in his gun and looks at Jerry. “Cover me, Jerry,” he commands, glancing towards the tree. If he looks hard enough, he can see a little boy up in the high branches, clinging to the tree like a lifeline. “I’m going to get that kid out of here.”

 

Jerry nods and replaces his own magazine. “Copy that, Henry.” He moves so that he’s bending on one knee, gun ready to fire.

 

Henry nods at him and sprints for the tree, staying as low as possible. Behind him, he hears gunshots coming from both Jerry’s and the criminal’s guns. Blood trails down Henry’s arm, but the pain has since disappeared in favor of high amounts of adrenaline. Henry reaches the tree and presses his back to the bark, watching the criminal just long enough to make sure he won’t get shot in the back. Once the coast is proverbially clear, he turns around and moves to the back of the tree.

 

The little boy has dark brown hair and wears a mint green polo shirt and denim shorts. He has a face resembling an English bulldog and a haircut that reminds Henry of the boys in the books he first learned to read from.

 

Henry holsters his gun and presses his good hand on the tree. “Hey, kid!” he shouts. “I’m Officer Spencer! We thought we cleared the park, but you’re still here, and it’s really dangerous for you to still be here!” He gestures for the kid to come down. “Come on, I’ll get you out of here safely.”

 

The boy trembles like one of the leaves on the branches and glances behind him. The criminal laughs heartily and aims at Jerry, missing his ear by mere centimeters. The boy looks back to Henry and shakes his head.

 

Henry runs his tongue over his top row of teeth. “Dammit, kid,” he murmurs. He hangs his head and thinks for a second, hoping that in that split second, sirens will come blaring through the streets and this entire fucking business will be finished, but that’s not how life works. He looks back up at the kid. “What’s your name?”

 

The boy pouts a little bit, a little shy about talking to a police officer. “Carlton,” he answers timidly.

 

Henry raises his eyebrows.  _ Must be a family name. _ “Carlton, huh? Well, Carlton, can you do me a favor and start climbing down? I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise.”

 

Carlton considers this for a second, but immediately decides that it’s just better to trust the police officer. He starts climbing down the tree, branch by branch.

 

“How old are you, Carlton?” Henry asks, his hands poised to catch the boy in case he falls.

 

Carlton shrugs and continues climbing down. “I’m eight years old, sir.”

 

Henry nods slowly. “And, uh –” he doesn’t know anything about little kids. He can handle toddlers because Melissa is a toddler, but elementary kids? Do they like trucks? “What– what do you want to be when you grow up?”

 

Carlton tests the farthest branch from his little legs by putting his weight on it and bouncing a little. When he decides it’s safe to continue climbing down, he lets go of the branch he’s holding onto and grips the next branch. “I don’t know, sir,” he says. “I kind of want to be a police officer, like you, but my mother says that’s too dangerous, so maybe I’ll be an accountant.”

 

Henry furrows his eyebrows.  _ Aren’t children…not supposed to be interested in doing math for a living? Unless, of course, it involves being an astronaut. _ “Well, speaking as a police officer, being a cop is really cool.”

 

“But you got shot at today.”

 

Henry opens his mouth to respond, but he has nothing. “Touché.”

 

Carlton is close to the ground now, and there are no more branches that are any lower. He glances at the ground and lets go of the branch. Henry rushes forward and catches the boy. His bicep sings with pain, but he grits his teeth, clutches the boy close, and sprints away from the shooting.

 

Faintly, in the distance, he can hear the first wail of sirens.

 

**

 

Herb pulls his car up to the edge of La Mesa Park, and Maddy doesn’t even wait for the car to stop before she opens the door and rushes towards Henry.

 

Henry looks exhausted, and there’s a dried stain of blood on the right sleeve of his shirt.

 

“Henry!” Maddy calls, half-jogging in his direction. “Henry, thank God you’re okay.”

 

Henry turns his head and widens his eyes when he sees that Maddy’s at the scene of a crime. “Yeah, hon, I’m fine, it was just a gra–”

 

Maddy stands on her tiptoes, grabs his face, and kisses him. She tangles her hand in his hair, and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands for a few seconds before he settles his hands on her waist and pulls her closer. Their teeth click together, and she kisses him even harder. When he finally pulls away, she chases after him.

 

It takes Henry a moment to open his eyes, but when he does, he sees tears brimming in Maddy’s eyes. “M –” he clears his throat (that kiss was really unexpected, alright? He hasn’t been kissed like that, ever). “Mad, I’m alright, I’m safe.”

 

She nods and presses her lips together, pulling him in close for a hug. “I was just so scared,” she whispers in his ear. “I didn’t know– and if you died, I just– I couldn’t live without you and –”

 

Henry didn’t notice before how much she was trembling, but she’s quaking in his arms. He glances at Herb over her shoulder. “I gave my statement to Boone,” he mouths to Herb, and Herb nods, giving him the go-ahead to leave. Henry moves his left hand to grab Maddy’s wrist. “Okay, Maddy,” he whispers to her. “Alright, let’s go.” He helps her into his squad car and drives towards his place.

 

Inside the car, Maddy finally lets herself break down from the stress of the past hour. She barely glances at Henry’s arm, but she notices the dried splotch of blood on his bicep, and then her mind starts running wild with every potential scenario that could possibly have happened.

 

All Henry hears is a wail, an “oh my God,” and downright weeping. He has absolutely no warning, and he doesn’t know what to do with a weeping girlfriend. “Maddy? Honey?” He reaches for her and gently rubs her shoulder. “Look, I’m fine. I’m safe. No more bad guy.”

 

She buries her face in her hands and shakes her head. “Do you understand how close you were to  _ dying?” _

 

_ Yes, I do, thank you very much. It’s not like bullets were flying past my head or anything. _ “Listen, honey, I get it was scary for you to deal with – and trust me, it was scary for me being shot at – but I had to respond to the call. There were kids at that park, Mad. I had to protect them.”

 

Maddy lifts her head and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “No, you  _ don’t _ get how scary it was for me to just wait. We’re not married, Henry, so they can’t tell me anything, so all I could do was just wait for the police to catch that guy or wait for your parents to call me and tell me you were in the hospital. You  _ don’t _ know that kind of fear.”

 

Henry raises his eyebrows and pulls his hand away from Maddy’s shoulder.  _ “I _ don’t know that kind of fear? You think I don’t know how terrifying it is to wait for news that one of your loved ones is still alive? Let me tell you something,  _ Madeleine, _ my dad was a cop! He was shot in the chest! We waited for  _ weeks _ for him to come out of that coma! So don’t you  _ dare _ tell me that I don’t know that kind of fear!”

 

Maddy groans and pushes flyaway hairs from her face. “It’s not the same!”

 

“Oh, I agree! My dad was shot in the chest! Do you know how  _ unlikely _ it is for someone to survive that?”

 

Maddy twists in her seat to face him. “No! You’re not getting it!”

 

“What don’t I get, Maddy?”

 

“I love you!” she screams at him. “I would move across the  _ world _ for you, I would wait a hundred  _ years _ for you, I would move mountains just to  _ be _ with you! I would do anything for you! I love you more than I love myself, more than I love any other human being on the face of this planet! I would have given  _ anything _ to trade places with you! No kid  _ ever _ loves their parent like that! So, no, you  _ don’t _ get it!”

 

Henry grits his teeth. “I hope I never have the chance, Maddy.”

 

Maddy shakes her head and turns to look out the window. Trees flash by her left, a mess of green and brown and some specks of gray. She glances at Henry once for the rest of the drive. He’s gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are white.

 

It takes another ten minutes for Henry to pull into his apartment complex. He slams his car door shut and yanks Maddy’s door open. She meets his eyes, fire blazing against fire, and storms into the building, not even allowing him the opportunity to grab the door for her. She hurries up the staircase, and the stairwell is painted a dull, bleak, ugly shade of gray. Even the steps are gray. Henry can’t keep up with her, and she absolutely  _ relishes _ the sound of his footsteps running after her.

 

Once she reaches his apartment, however, she can’t get inside without a key, and she left her key back at the station. Henry jogs to the door but remains silent, hardly even glancing at her while he turns his key in the lock, presses his good shoulder up against the door, and shoves it open. Maddy squeezes past him and makes a beeline for the couch.

 

Henry glares at her retreating back, and he gently places his key in the little bowl on the stand next to the door. “Are you just going to keep being mad at me, or are you actually going to talk?” He walks into the living room and spreads his arms, as if looking for a third option.

 

Maddy looks up, smiles sweetly at him, and pats the couch. “Let’s make out.”

 

Henry chokes on his saliva.

 

Maddy watches him cough and rolls her eyes before she stands, walks to the kitchen, fills a glass with water, and gives him the glass.

 

“Wh–” another cough “what–” he sips at the water “did you just say?”

 

Maddy props her chin in the palm of her hand and shrugs. “I said let’s make out.”

 

Henry chokes again. He raises the glass to his lips and chugs the rest of the water, if only to cool his burning face. When his coughing fit finally dies out, he looks at Maddy, trying to figure out where his pissed off girlfriend went and who replaced her. “Uh…” he shakes his head slightly. “Mad, you– you know we can’t do that.”

 

Her eyebrows shoot up and she straightens her shoulders. “Oh? And, pray tell, why the hell not?”

 

Henry scratches his head. “You and I promised we were going to save ourselves for marriage.”

 

“Great! That’s why we’re just making out.”

 

Henry shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “No, Mad– making out will make it harder to resist that temptation.”

 

“Oh, go suck a  _ dick.” _ Maddy pushes herself off the couch and stalks towards the door.

 

“Maddy, come– Maddy, come on!” Henry winces internally and then grabs Maddy’s arm. “What’s wrong?”

 

Maddy’s jaw drops and she stares pointedly at Henry’s hand on her arm. “What– what’s  _ wrong?” _ She steps close to him, so close that they’re breathing the same air, and she stands on her tiptoes. He still stands high above her, but – unlike with Boone – he doesn’t tower over her. He’s never forced himself on her like that. “We got in a fight in the car, and I  _ try _ and find a solution –”

 

“That’s not a fucking  _ solution, _ Maddy! That’s just avoiding the problem!” He spreads his hands and gestures to the rest of the apartment. “Can you please tell me why you’re so pissed? Because I don’t know what I did wrong, and I don’t know how to  _ fix _ it!”

 

Maddy glares at him, shakes her head, and turns to the door. “Just forget it. I’m going to call a cab.”

 

“Mad– no, wait.” He scrubs a hand over his face and reaches for his wallet. “Let me drive you back to the station. You don’t have any money for a cab.”

 

“Excuse me, Henry Spencer, but I can take care of myself just fine!”

 

He frantically looks around at his apartment and the three rooms Maddy’s been in since they came in. “I don’t doubt that, but how the fuck are you going to pay for a cab if you don’t have your fucking purse? I had to open the door for you! Just–” he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just let me drive you back to the station.”

 

“No! I don’t want to talk to you right now!”

 

Henry laughs humorlessly. “Why? What did I do wrong, Maddy?”

 

Maddy shakes her head and presses her back to the door. “Don’t make me answer that,” she whispers.

 

“Maddy, just  _ tell _ me! Talk to me! How– how are we going to get along in a marriage if you won’t even resolve issues how we should?”

 

“Don’t you dare blame this on me!”

 

_ “You’re _ the one who won’t talk to  _ me!” _ He steps closer to her and gently grabs her hand. “Please, Mad, I’m begging you to just talk to me.”

 

Maddy pulls her hand away from him and digs the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I can’t do this,” she whimpers. Her chest rises and falls rapidly, her breaths come in unevenly. “I can’t do this, I can’t.”

 

Henry grabs her wrists and gently tugs her hands away from her eyes. “What can’t you do, Maddy?”

 

She looks at him through tear-filled eyes and shakes her head. “I can’t marry you.”

 

His heart drops into the pit of his stomach, and whatever replaces it feels like a void of blackness, dark and cold and– and  _ painful. _ “What?”

 

Maddy grabs his hands with her shaking ones. “I can’t worry about you every single day, about whether or not you’re going to come home.”

 

“Maddy, I’m a beat cop.” He lifts her hand to his lips and kisses it. “Please, please, don’t leave me.”

 

Her eyelids flutter closed. “I– the reason I was so mad is because I just– I didn’t hear from you, and I didn’t know what was happening to you. And you just– you brushed it off like it was inconsequential, like I should have  _ expected _ it to happen and that I shouldn’t be worried about you.”

 

“Oh, Maddy,” Henry breathes, gently tugging her into his arms. “I was– I was trying to reassure you that I was safe. I guess I didn’t do a good job of it.” He presses a kiss to her temple. “But, regarding that marriage comment…”

 

She gently scratches at the base of his hairline. “I love you more than anything, Henry, and just the thought of living without you in my life…” she breathes in shakily. “If this is how it’s always going to be, if you’re going to get shot at every single day, I just…I can’t deal with that.”

 

“It’s not going to be every day, sweetheart. It’s not even going to be some days.” He smoothes her hair. “Please, Mad, I can’t live without you. Stay with me.”

 

“Promise you won’t get shot at by any more bad guys?”

 

He sighs. “Maddy…”

 

“It’s alright if you break that promise, but please,  _ please, _ I just need to hear you promise.”

 

He kisses her head again. “I promise, sweetheart.”

 

Neither of them have any idea how long they remain like that, holding each other in their arms, slowly swaying back and forth. Night falls relatively early in Santa Barbara, but even when it gets dark outside, they still hold each other, and they don’t know it, but their hearts drum out the same beat:

 

_ Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I may hate the reality that every healthy couple has to fight at some point, but it really is true: any good, healthy couple is going to fight.


	5. Breakfast and Emotional Constipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's too late for Maddy to go back to the dorms, so she stays over at Henry's place. Who would have guessed that he's the master of breakfast foods?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to get back to this earlier, but I just had so many one-shot (or multi-chapter) ideas for these two and just. I love them very dearly. I can't get over them.

Henry Spencer has never invited a girl into his bedroom before in his life. Even his own mother isn’t allowed in his bedroom, though, that’s more because she and him don’t get along and not so much due to the fact that she’s a woman.

 

However, it’s long past 2 in the morning, and there are a few minor issues: first, nothing good happens after midnight, and Henry is absolutely terrified that if he tells Maddy to go home, something terrible will happen; second, Maddy’s car is back at the station, and neither of them feel like driving  _ all _ the way to the station, and Henry, at least, would have to drive all the way back; third, Maddy’s dorm is like Fort Knox, and there is no way that she can get in after midnight because curfew is strictly enforced.

 

Henry cups Maddy’s face in his hands and kisses her forehead. Maddy leans into his touch and hums. “I can sleep on the couch,” she whispers.

 

Henry shakes his head. “Absolutely not,” he says. There’s something about the moonlight streaking through the windows that makes him want to speak quietly, so that even the stars can’t listen in on their conversation. “You take the bed.”

 

Maddy pulls away from him and shakes her head. “But it’s your bed. I feel bad for kicking you out, especially since 90% of this is my fault –”

 

Henry holds up his index finger. “This is just as much my fault as it is yours, if not more so.”

 

Maddy gestures to his arm, which sports dried blood that has turned into a reddish-brown color instead of the dark red it was hours earlier. “You got shot!”

 

Henry is about to tell her that it’s just a graze, nothing to worry about, but he remembers that’s how he and Maddy  _ got _ into their first fight. He licks his lips and tries to proceed with caution. “It looks scary,” he says slowly, carefully watching her face to make sure he’s not going to set her off again, “and it’s pretty painful, not going to lie, but it’s not concerning. All I can do is put some rubbing alcohol on it and maybe bandage it up.”

 

Maddy frowns. “I feel like that’s not true. It’s a gunshot wound.”

 

Henry shrugs. “It’s not even a flesh wound. This barely counts as a graze.”

 

“Shouldn’t you get stitches?”

 

Henry shakes his head. “There’s not enough to stitch.” He puts his hands on Maddy’s shoulders and looks her dead in the eyes. “I promise, Mad, all that I need is rubbing alcohol and gauze. If it looks infected tomorrow, then I’ll go to the hospital. Is that fair?”

 

Maddy pouts and nods slowly. “I guess that’s fair, but –” she holds up her finger “– I’m going to take care of you.” She points to the couch. “Sit.”

 

Henry rolls his eyes and sits on the couch, bouncing up and down on the cushions. “Shouldn’t I be getting –”

 

Maddy holds up her finger again. “Uh-uh. Where’s your rubbing alcohol and gauze?”

 

Henry points to his bedroom. “Medicine cabinet in my bathroom.”

 

Maddy raises her eyebrows. “Oh, your bedroom?” She shifts uncomfortably, knowing good and well that Henry is quite protective of his bedroom (even his little brother has told her stories of how he wasn’t allowed to sleep in Henry’s room beyond the age of eight).

 

Henry furrows his brow and nods. “Yeah. My bedroom. There’s nothing in there. No gate to hell, no lagoon, no smuggled drugs or illegal material. It’s fine.”

 

Maddy licks her lips. “You don’t let anyone into your bedroom, especially not women.”

 

Henry sighs. “The key thing is I don’t let just  _ anyone _ into my bedroom. Jack told you how he wasn’t allowed to sleep in my room after he was eight, but that’s because he talks in his sleep. He can go into my room, so long as he doesn’t steal anything or frame me for a crime he committed.” He jerks his head toward his room. “You’re allowed in there. I trust you.”

 

Maddy nods. “So, medicine cabinet. In your bathroom.”

 

Henry grins at her. “You can’t miss it.”

 

Maddy leaves him sitting by himself on the couch and makes her way to his bedroom. She has no idea what she’s expecting from Henry’s room, but when she steps inside, she is…a little disappointed. Henry has one black nightstand, presumably made by him, with three or four books stacked on top of it. A cardboard box sits next to the nightstand, but the top is partially closed. Aside from the bed (brown comforter with beige sheets) and the nightstand, the only piece of furniture in the room is a dresser. She shakes her head.  _ I’m not in here to snoop, _ she reminds herself.  _ I need to get to the medicine cabinet. _

 

As promised, the bathroom is easy to find. She looks around the bathroom for the medicine cabinet, and after looking around the bathroom for any sign of a cabinet, she finally reaches for the mirror, praying to God that it will pull open. The mirror pulls open, and she looks at the tiny little shelves for the rubbing alcohol and gauze.

 

When she returns to the living room, she catches Henry holding his arm, bending over. He pushes his fist into his mouth, and his eyes are squeezed shut as he tries to ride past the pain. Little streaks of red squeeze past his fingers, and he pulls his hand away, watching the way it trembles.

 

Maddy sighs. “No need for a hospital, huh?”

 

Henry looks up, and he at least has the decency to look ashamed. “It’s…honestly, it’s my first gunshot wound.” His eyes stay on her as she sits next to him and silently grabs the gauze, unscrews the cap to the rubbing alcohol, and pours a little bit of alcohol onto the gauze. “They teach this stuff at the academy, but it doesn’t– it can’t prepare you for what it’s like out in the field.”

 

Maddy nods to his shirt. “You’ll want to bite on something, and your fist isn’t the best idea.”

 

Henry looks down at his shirt. “This is my uniform shirt. I can’t mess this up.”

 

Maddy quirks an eyebrow. “Do you have an undershirt on?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then use that.” She shakes the damp gauze a little bit. “Because you have no idea how much this is going to hurt.”

 

Henry peels off his uniform shirt and balls up the collar of his undershirt when he catches Maddy shaking her head at him. “What?” he says, letting his collar fall back to his neck.

 

“That’s not enough.”

 

Henry rolls his eyes, grabs the back of his shirt collar, and pulls it over his head, balling it up in his hands. When he looks back at Maddy, her eyes are wide, and she looks down shyly. He smirks. “What– are girls interested in that?”

 

Maddy rolls her eyes. “Just get ready. This is going to hurt.” She presses the gauze to Henry’s arm, and he yelps past the fabric in his mouth. She keeps the gauze there for a second, shakes out a new piece of gauze, and pours alcohol onto the second piece of gauze. When she pulls the first piece of gauze away, it’s covered in red, and she drops it onto her lap.

 

Henry pants. His thoughts are muddled with his brain screaming at him that it hurts, and his hands shake. “How do you know what you’re doing?”

 

Maddy tilts her head, presses the second piece of gauze to the wound, and nods at Henry to keep pressure on it. “Two reasons, actually. Main reason is because my dad was a medic in the Korean War, and he taught my siblings and I how to take care of someone in really odd situations. We were mostly just bored and asked him to teach us these really random scenarios, but it kind of prepared us for real life.” Maddy blows out a breath of hot air, and one strand of hair flutters away from her face. “My little brother is planning on joining the army when he’s older, just like Dad did. My little sister wants to be a nurse.”

 

Henry smiles at her and presses hard on his wound. It’s excruciating, but he thinks he can handle it. The black dots swimming around in his vision have nothing to do with anything. “And you wanted to become a police psychologist.”

 

Maddy shrugs. “Everyone talks about the physical wounds, but the mental wounds are just as bad, if not worse. Physical wounds heal, even without care. It takes longer, but they will. But with mental wounds…that doesn’t heal without help. I wanted to provide that kind of help.”

 

Henry nods slowly and studies her face. “You’re amazing. Absolutely incredible.”

 

Maddy smiles at him, but her smile is strained and doesn’t reach her eyes. She gently tugs the second piece of gauze from Henry’s hand and starts dabbing at his wound with the third piece of gauze.

 

He tilts his head so he can look into her eyes. “You said there were two reasons.”

 

Maddy sighs and tucks the stray strand of hair behind her ear. “My ex-boyfriend…he was a terrible person to be with, and probably one of the reasons I became so invested in psychology. He got mixed up in a lot of stuff, and he was part of a gang in Cincinnati. He would sneak into my room late at night at least once a week because he knew I would take care of him, no questions asked. I took care of cut cheeks, bleeding ears, broken wrists, and even a gunshot wound.”

 

Henry raises his eyebrows. “Wh–”

 

Maddy shakes her head gently at him. “I thought he was hot, but I foolishly thought he was as good a person as his looks indicated. I told him I was going to save myself for marriage, and he broke my arm. When I called the police after cleaning up his gunshot wound, he threatened to kill me. I had to file a restraining order against him after we broke up.” She lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “I never loved him. I honestly never even liked him. He was just…there, y’know? Like, there was this guy who was outside of my family, and he was paying attention to me, and I figured if  _ I _ didn’t stay with him, no woman would. Maybe that’s for the best.”

 

“Did he have mental problems?”

 

Maddy exhales shakily. “He did, but it was more because of how our relationship affected me and gave me a mental injury that I started looking into psychology. My dad supported my decision, so…” She looks Henry dead in the eyes. “It feels right, though, being with you. Even if it terrifies me, and even if I’m worried that I’m going to get the worst phone call of my life. You’re good and warm and protective, loving and supportive and gentle. You’re everything he wasn’t, and everything I need.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense.”

 

Henry grabs her free hand with his own and squeezes it. “Hey,” he says softly, “that guy had no idea who he was dealing with. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and he treats you like dirt?” He leans forward and kisses her forehead. “I’ll try my absolute hardest not to get shot at again, but this job is always going to be terrifying, Mad. I wish it wasn’t, and honestly, I wish I was out of a job.” He purses his lips and tilts his head. “But only in the sense that crime doesn’t exist anymore. Otherwise, I kind of need this job.”

 

Maddy laughs for the first time that day. “I love you so freaking much, Henry.”

 

He gently kisses her once. “I love you so freaking much, too, Maddy.”

 

She shakes her head, removes the gauze from Henry’s arm (this piece only has drops of blood, some of which have faded to pink), and prepares the next piece for him to bandage up. “It’s just…I didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this, you know? There’s just not any words for it, aside from unconditional love.” She gestures for him to hold this piece of gauze up to his arm while she unrolls some gauze from the roll. “But that’s…I don’t know.”

 

Henry studies her while she wraps the roll around his arm a few times. “You’re the most important person in the world to me, Maddy. Life is so much better with you.”

 

She smiles at him, cuts the gauze around Henry’s arm from the roll, and tucks the edge of the gauze into the rest of it. “I’m still taking the couch tonight, Henry.”

 

He purses his lips and shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. You take the bed.”

 

“Henry –”

 

Henry holds up a hand, and his eyes plead with her. “Please, Mad. I feel bad if you take the couch while I get to stay in my bed. I’ll be fine.”

 

Maddy opens her mouth to argue, but she realizes that it’s no use. “What am I supposed to sleep in? This is going to get so wrinkled.”

 

Henry jerks his head toward his bedroom. “Come on, I’ll let you choose from what I have.” He leads her to his closet, flips on the light, and pushes aside some shirts.

 

Maddy comes to stand next to him, and she curses how short she is compared to him. “You also need a shirt.”

 

“I  _ was _ wearing a shirt,  _ you _ told me to take it off!”

 

Maddy smirks and rifles through Henry’s clothes. “Yeah, I did.” She pulls Henry’s gray shirt from the hanger. “And I don’t regret it.” She turns around and nods to his chest. “You’re pretty cut.”

 

Henry rolls his eyes. “I’m a police officer. I  _ have _ to be cut!” He points to the shirt in Maddy’s hand. “Is that my gray t-shirt? I love my gray t-shirt. It’s my favorite shirt.”

 

Maddy grins. “I’m just wearing it for one night, sheesh.” She looks down at her skirt. “Um…”

 

Henry nods and reaches over her shoulder. “These are my only pants with strings. You’re way more petite than me, so…you’ll probably want these instead.”

 

Maddy takes them and looks at the pattern. “Fish? Really?”

 

Henry holds up in surrender, gathers his own pajamas, and backs out of the closet. “Just because I don’t get to do it often doesn’t mean I don’t like to do it at all.”

 

Maddy squints at him. “Speaking of, where’s that fishing pole I got you for Christmas?”

 

Henry hooks a thumb over his shoulder. “By my dresser, where it always is.”

 

She furrows her brow.  _ I must have missed that while I was in here. _ “Okay, well, shoo. I need to change.”

 

Henry presses his lips together. “I’ll, uh. See you in a sec.” He closes the closet door behind him, and Maddy strips off her professional clothes, grabs extra hangers for her outfit, and puts on Henry’s shirt. When she pulls on his pants, she ties the strings as tightly as they’ll go, but the pants still hang loose around her waist.

 

Henry’s already turning the bed down for her when she walks out of the closet. She ducks under his arm, wraps her arms around his middle, and rests her head on his chest. “Please tell me you’re going to be okay.”

 

At first, Henry thinks she’s referring to him sleeping alone on the couch, but then he remembers the bullet wound. “You took care of me, Mad. I’m going to be just fine.”

 

**

 

She dreams that night.

 

She dreams that she and Henry are holding a small child – their child – and Henry is happier than she’s ever seen him, but blood starts dripping from his head and he pitches forward into her arms. She tries to catch him, but she’s worried about the baby in her arms. When she looks at her arms, the baby has disappeared, and Henry lies motionless in her arms.

 

The dream changes, then, and she and Henry are in the park on a picnic. There’s a flash, a dark figure, and Henry’s head snaps back, and he stares at her with dead eyes.

 

The dream keeps changing, but the message is the same: Henry’s been shot, and in his dying moments, he squeezes her hand and tries to whisper assurances. In the heart, in the lungs, stomach, head, neck, he keeps getting shot, and he keeps dying. At the station, in the park, sitting in his apartment, he’s not safe anywhere.

 

Her eyes fly open, and she jerks awake. Her muscles are tense as she looks around the room, but only a black void stares back at her. Maddy turns onto her side and tries to make out the numbers on Henry’s clock, but it’s too dark to see. She huffs, rolls onto her back, and drapes her arm over her forehead.

 

She wants to go back to sleep, especially since she’s been keyed up for the better part of 24 hours, but the dreams still haunt her, and she throws back the covers, gets out of the bed, and shuffles out to the living room.

 

Henry lies on the couch, and, though it  _ looks _ like he’s sleeping, she can see that his chest rises and falls too quickly to be sleeping peacefully and too slowly to be in a nightmare. She walks over to him, pulls up his arm – ever careful not to hurt him –, and curls onto the small couch with him.

 

Henry cracks his eyes open and hums when he sees Maddy. “How’d you know?”

 

Maddy tries to snuggle closer to him, but there’s not enough room on the couch. “I figured if I was having this much trouble sleeping, and I wasn’t even involved in the shooting, then you certainly wouldn’t be able to sleep.” She closes her eyes and tries to breathe him in. “I don’t know how you didn’t have nightmares.”

 

Henry nods rapidly. “Oh, I did. Trust me. I had to get up and drink some water. I had just settled back in when you came in.”

 

Maddy plays with his fingers. “I kept dreaming that you were dying,” she whispers. “And I– the first time I dreamed about it, I dreamt we had a baby, but you died, and I looked for the baby, but the baby had disappeared. I don’t know, but that one was the worst.”

 

Henry hums. “Oh? Why do you think that means?”

 

Maddy shakes her head. “I’m scared that you’re going to die on the job, and I’m even more terrified that you’ll die before you and I can start a family.”

 

Henry sighs. “What do you want me to do, Madeleine?” His voice sounds tired, defeated.

 

Maddy hates thinking of Henry as defeated.

 

She bites her bottom lip and laces her hand in his. “I just want to know that you’re here  _ now, _ and that you’re safe  _ now. _ I can’t ask anything else of you.”

 

Henry pulls her hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to her hand. “I’m right here, Maddy, and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

She rests her head on his chest, taking comfort in the steady rise and fall of his chest. “I need to know that you’re safe, Henry.”

 

“I’m safe, Maddy. I’m here and I’m okay and I’m safe.”

 

**

 

Henry looks down at his girlfriend, who still sleeps on his chest. Her breathing has steadied, and there’s no sign of nightmares coming for her anytime soon, so he carefully moves out from under her, slides one hand under her knees and one hand under her back, and pulls her to his chest. Her head lolls and rests on his shoulder, but the movement still doesn’t wake her.

 

He carries her back to his bedroom, careful to make no noise. He gently nudges his door open with his foot and then places her gently on the bed. He grabs his sheets, pulls them to cover her up to her chin, and kisses her forehead. “Good night, my love,” he whispers to her. “Sleep well, and may only good dreams come to you.”

 

He’s not going to sleep the rest of the night, so once he leaves Maddy alone in his bedroom, he makes his way back to his kitchen, stands around aimlessly, and scrubs his hands over his face. It’s nearly five now, but it’s still too early to do much if he wants Maddy to get some rest, so he scrubs his hands over his face for the second time, grabs a glass, and pours himself some orange juice left over in the fridge. He stands at the countertop and sips at the drink, trying to find a way to keep his mind preoccupied quietly.

 

He’d do the daily crossword, but the paper isn’t in yet (and, he grudgingly admits, the shooting will be on the front page, and he doesn’t want to make Maddy relive that any sooner than she has to; heck,  _ he _ doesn’t want to relive that any sooner than he has to).

 

He tilts his head back, drains his glass, and sets it down gently. Drumming his fingers on the countertop, he looks around, glances over his shoulder, and notices a legal pad lying on his table. Deep in the back of his mind, he remembers getting it and putting it on the table yesterday, but yesterday feels like it was a hundred years ago _. _

 

Henry licks his lips, grabs a pencil, and sits down at the table, pulling the legal pad close to him. He rubs the pencil across his bottom lip and stares at the paper for a moment in an effort to gather his thoughts. Finally, he decides to write a letter, but he wants it to be preserved, and pencil is too light and temporary, so he gets up again, grabs a pen, and sits back down.

 

At six thirty in the morning, he finally has a letter written. Well, he thinks it’s a letter. It’s more like a poem.

 

**

 

_ When I look at you, I see the sun in your eyes. Dancing, shining, giving warmth to everything and everyone you see. I see the sun in your smile, in the way your face lights up and your smile spreads to your eyes. I see the sun in you when I’m having a bad day, and you do everything you can to make me laugh because, to you, my smile is important. _

_ When I look at you, I see the stars. You try and hide it, sometimes, but I think it’s beautiful. I see the stars when you’re studying for a test, and you lean forward, trying to commit the information to memory. I see the stars when I’m telling a story, and you lean forward, prop your chin in your hand, and listen, as if my story is the most important thing in the world at that moment. I see the stars on your bad days, when you try and hide it from others, but I can tell. You have fears and worries, and you’ve told me a few, but there are some that are just too painful for you to bear, and that’s okay. _

_ I see love when I look at you. I see your head on my shoulder, your hand in mine, as we dance in the moonlight. I see a woman who is absolutely marvelous, someone who is so amazing that she could choose from any man in the country, and you chose me. I see, when I look at you, a person who loves me so deeply that the mere idea that I could get hurt is too much to bear. _

_ What I’m trying to say is I love you more than words can say. The mountains cannot stand higher than my love for you, nor can any mountain get in the way of how much I love you. The ocean, deep as it may be, is shallow compared to my love for you. Earthquakes, especially here in California, may tear us apart, but I will always reach for you, and I will always try and catch you. Winds may blow, and storms may come, but I will stand my ground, and I will hold you close as long as you wish me to. _

_ I love you, Maddy. I wish I could articulate it, but know that I am always here, and I will always be with you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I will always try my best to be a rock on which you can lean. You’re the love of my life, Madeleine, and I never understood what anyone meant by “love at first sight” until the moment I saw you. I can’t explain it, but I just knew that I knew that I knew. You’re by far the most amazing woman I have ever met: you’re kind, and when you see homeless on the street, you offer them help, and they will take it; you’re brilliant, and you study hard to make sure you can help people; you’re joyful, even when life gets hard and when you just want the world to stop spinning; you’re everything good in this world, and I thank God every second that He put you in my life. _

_ You told me, once, that – should I ever feel the need to take a picture – I should take pictures of moments, and not of buildings and sights. I love that thought, but if I put it into action and took pictures of moments –  _ our _ moments, there would not be enough scrapbooks in the world to hold the pictures close. _

_ I love you so much, and I don’t think it will ever be possible for me to love another person as much as I love you. _

 

**

 

Maddy wakes up to the smell of pancakes, and she looks around for a moment before she notices that she’s back in Henry’s bed, and she’s alone. She furrows her brow, pushes back the covers, and shuffles out to the kitchen.

 

Henry glances over his shoulder and smiles at her. “I know you hate plain pancakes, but I didn’t know if you wanted blueberry or chocolate chip, so I did three of each.” He points his spatula at the griddle. “I can get bacon going, if you like.”

 

Maddy smiles and wraps one arm around Henry’s waist. “You’re making me breakfast?”

 

Henry shrugs and kisses the top of Maddy’s head. “I was planning on breakfast in bed, but you woke up earlier than I expected.” He flips the pancakes, and each pancake sports a gorgeous golden brown. “There’s some strawberries in the fridge if you want, but I’m out of a lot of stuff. I’ll need to make a trip out to the grocery store later today.”

 

Maddy shakes her head fondly, stands on her tiptoes, and kisses Henry’s cheek. “How’s your arm doing? And be honest.”

 

Henry shakes his head. “It hurts like a motherfucker, let me tell you that much, but that’s how pain usually works. I’m not going to check it until after breakfast because that would be absolutely gross, and neither of us want that.”

 

“That’s fair.” She reaches up with one hand and brushes the hair away from Henry’s eyes. “Do you want bacon? I can get that going while you work on whatever else.”

 

Henry purses his lips, slides his spatula under one of the pancakes, and puts it on the plate. “Bacon does sound good…” He looks at her. “But I don’t need it if you don’t feel like it.”

 

Maddy stands on her tiptoes and pecks Henry’s lips. “I was going to take you up on your bacon offer either way, I just wanted to know if you wanted any.” She ducks back under his arm, grabs the package of bacon, and moves to the stove. “Crispy or stretchy?”

 

Henry bites his bottom lip and grins sheepishly at her. “I prefer crispy.” He loads up the plate with the rest of the pancakes, turns off the griddle, and waves his hand in dismissal. “But I love stretchy bacon, too. As long as it’s bacon, it’s good bacon.”

 

Maddy shakes her head and laughs. “Crispy it is.” She grabs a paper towel, takes the skillet Henry offers her, and lays the bacon across the bacon. She turns on the stove and starts on the bacon while Henry gets to working on the rest of breakfast.

 

“You want toast?”

 

Maddy purses her lips and nods. “Toast sounds good.”

 

“French, cinnamon, or normal?”

 

Maddy quirks an eyebrow. “You want French toast  _ and _ pancakes? Do you understand how much maple syrup and, by default, sugar that is?”

 

Henry stares at her and shakes his head once. “I still don’t have a clear answer.”

 

Maddy looks down quickly and turns the bacon over to get both sides crispy. “Cinnamon toast, please.”

 

Henry points his spatula at himself. “And you lecture  _ me _ on sugar consumption?”

 

“Cinnamon has less sugar than syrup.”

 

“And after all that trouble I went through…” Henry grins cheekily.

 

Maddy tries to suppress her smile. “I’m still gonna eat your pancakes!”

 

Henry laughs, pops two pieces of bread in the toaster, and starts toasting them. “You better. I worked hard on those.” He jerks his head toward the pancakes. “They’re like my children.”

 

Maddy furrows her brow and shakes her head. “Terrible analogy. You’ll be eating your children.”

 

Henry nods along with her. “It sounded better in my head, not gonna lie.”

 

Maddy laughs, pulls the bacon from the skillet, and sets the cooked bacon on a plate. “Do you want more, or is this fine?”

 

Henry stares at the bacon and looks at her with a raised eyebrow. “That is half a helping, babe.”

 

Maddy grabs a kitchen towel and tries to smack Henry with it. Henry twirls around, effectively dodging the towel smack of the century, and laughs. Maddy sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation. “You could have just said you wanted  _ more, _ dumbass!”

 

Henry walks up to her and kisses the tip of her nose. “But it’s not as fun if I do it that way.”

 

Maddy pushes him toward the toaster. “Go. I want my cinnamon toast.”

 

“It’s not done yet!”

 

Maddy lifts the towel again, and Henry backpedals to the toaster. “I kid, I kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some more from these two!! God, I love them.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it, love it, hate it? Leave a comment below or go to my tumblr @ my-glasses-are-dirty and leave an ask!
> 
> (Also I love their relationships sO mUcH!)


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